anyone ever:
It's getting hot in here.
my brain:
......so take off all your clothes ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)
me:
wtf why??? still? what year is it??????
me when i’m arguing with someone: look my memory is shit but looking at these vague statistics buried in my brain i can promise you you are wrong
me:
*does something stupid* gdo fukcign that was so embarrassing i hope no one knows i did that
me:
*texts all my friends* hey do u wanna hear about this stupid thing i just did
Introvert:
please don't talk to me dirty extrovert
Extrovert:
[screaming like a chimp and throwing own faeces]
Introvert:
I want to read Hemingway in peace!!
Extrovert:
[smears shit across the wall shrieking]
my favourite thing about big dogs is when you push ‘em over they’re just like
“oh i’m lying down now! someone might scratch my stomach!!! i might nap!! endless possibilities!!!’
Whereas you push little dogs over and they’re all like “Vengeance! Death before dishonor!”
i’m so jealous of people who can play piano because you can show off your skills so subtly, like, oh there’s a piano here i’ll tap out a fun song. but with any other instrument it’s like HERE I’LL JUST WHIP OUT MY VIOLA or GOOD THING I BROUGHT MY FRENCH HORN HERE WITH ME
IVE BEEN CARRYING THIS UPRIGHT BASS AROUND FOR JUST THIS MOMENT